Romance #4– Nail in ze Coffin

Welp.

I did it.

I may have pushed my guy away. BUT WAIT LISTEN TO THIS!

We were talking and I asked about his values. He didn’t want to go into detail and I asked why. Basically, he said that he could be personal and shallow with lots of people and he didn’t want to delve deeper. I get it. It can be a defense mechanism.

What I didn’t like was the fact that he labeled me as a “courtyard friend”. He said that our conversations are shallow but comfortable. He keeps me at a distance. Doesn’t seem like he wants to let me in either. Even though I let him in…

Well, I wrote him a letter telling him that my INFJ a**, my emotionally aware/ empath a** was hurt by that categorization. Or at least at him verbalizing it to me after I got what he meant the first time.

My thing is, people aren’t going to pen up to you if/ when you want them to. I understand that. What threw me off was how he was tryna erase what we already had. He was more open before and slowly, it faded.

I wonder if it’s cause he lost interest in me?

Or I was too emotionally draining.

Or, or, or, he is just emotionally unavailable.

Long story short, I told him I’d be talking to him less and he hasn’t messaged me since then.

Except when I sent two messages to him for the holidays in which he sent the greeting back. Das it tho.

It gives me anxiety because I really treasured him as a friend and I was in love with him on and off. We talked EVERY DAY.

But I’m…I would love to have friends who are as vulnerable with me as I am with them. My closest friends are like this already. I hate shallowness in any relationship and weather chat ain’t for me.

So, if we end up talking again, or meeting, we’ll see what happens.

But for now, I think I’ve pushed him away/ he is keeping himself away.

Maybe…it’s best for both of us.

*sigh screams*

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