Relationships #1– 쓰레기 (Garbage)

Whaaaaaa why.

Why do I let so much garbage into my life? I think I’m gullible when it comes to romance. Or I just like giving people chances.

Is it bad to give people chances? Obvi if they have a bunch of red flags before I consider giving them a chance, I won’t give them any chances. But if those red flags show up a little later, I seem to want them to try to fix them.

The thing is, they won’t fix them. They aren’t going to if I say anything. They will only fix themselves IF THEY HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO DO SO FOR THEMSELVES. There is only so much I can do. It’s up to the other person to fix themselves, not me. I also shouldn’t feel the need to give people chances if they’ve screwed up (particularly if they start out with screwing up or continue doing the same shit after it’s been brought up before).

I don’t even know if I’m making sense…

After letting go of that OTHER guy in my ‘Romance’ blogs, I focused on myself.

Aaaaand got involved with a coworker. Quite unintentionally from both of us. It happened. But this dude…has a past. I won’t go into specifics but I was even questioning my choice after hearing some of the things he had to say/ what I found on Google.

We never sat down and went into detail about his past. Or anything else for that matter. Though we connected physically (hugs, kisses, finger touching, etc.), it seems he wasn’t too eager to talk. Something about not trusting women/ trust issues.

MY thing is, homie, I am not doing that whole just be physical relationship garbage. There were a lot of things he SAID but actions didn’t follow through.

Now, this is in the early stages of our relationship but after today, I think that’s gonna be it.

After inviting me out a week ago and reminding me a week ago/ a few days ago, he flaked. I don’t know if it’s a city thing but I heard people here are flakey. And boy has the city lived up to the name.

He also mentioned how he wasn’t a good texter. Cool, I get it. My problem is, we don’t have time to talk when we work, he can’t text, and on his or my or our days off, he still won’t text.

To me, that means all your words of actually wanting to get to know me were bulls***. Or you really just aren’t ready for a relationship. OR, you lying to yoself and me about what you want.

He didn’t respond for 3 days when I asked when and where we were meeting. On the day, the morning were were supposed to hang out (I went to the place by myself because I knew he wasn’t gonna respond), he responded saying he was, “…in charge of getting lights for the tree”.

Confused Black Girl | Know Your Meme
My face when reading his flaking excuse.

Like whaaaat? I don’t get it.

  1. YOU invite me out a week in advance
  2. YOU remind me of this date throughout the week
  3. YOU were caught posting videos on your other social media even though
  4. YOU SAID YOU BAD AT MESSAGING PEOPLE? You can’t respond to a message sent 3 days ago but you can post on your social media???
  5. YOU say you want to get to know me more but make no effort to
  6. YOU say you better at communicating in person but then tell me your priority is work so we can’t really talk at work (understandable, same for me) but when you’re off or I’m off, you can’t even take a minute to respond to a sista? I get you busy outside of work too but
  7. WHY INVITE ME OUT IF YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE TIME FOR ME???

I DON’T GET IT.

And you DARE say a 15-20 min trip to the store for some damn Christmas lights is why you can’t come? Christmas isn’t for 3 more weeks son. And we already planned th-

Gurl.

2020.12.07 UPDATE

Soooooo

He says he’s not ready for a relationship but is willing to have a “friends with benefits” relationship. I told him no, cause…no LOL And he SAID he respects that/ wants to still be friends even if there’s nothing physical. We decided to give ‘us’ (friendship, f***ing, dating, whatEVA) a try. ONLY TO BE DISAPPOINTED 5 DAYS LATER. NOT EVEN A 妈的 week later.

He pulled the same bullshine again. Not responding to my messages (or 1 phone call) up until the morning that we were supposed to hang out ONLY TO TELL ME HE GOT CALLED IN FOR WORK EARLIER!

So you tellin me you ain’t know you were gonna work earlier than the morning of? 8am? They called you at like 6/ 7am and told you? OR, you knew the previous day and just decided not to respond to me for over 12 or so hours. Even though you posted on your social media and responded to my message on your social media that was irrelevant to responding to an update of our hangout request. Talkin bou some, “I’m not coming, they called me into work *sends picture, as if I’d care*”.

Chile....please take several seats - nene leakes tho | Meme Generator
Me internally responding to people’s bulls***

Again, I understand work is a priority. BUT WHY CAN’T YOU COMMUNICATE IN ADVANCE! Better yet, TALK TO ME WHEN YOU ACTUALLY READY TO GET TO KNOW ME.

Cash me outside howbow dah on Make a GIF

To end, I sent him a long o essay telling him how he made me feel. Apparently, he seems down today (friend/ coworker update).

I started to feel a little bad cause I don’t like when anyone is down just like I don’t like to be down. If it’s because of something that happened between us.

BUT

I also don’t like being treated like garbage so…yeah. It just has to happen. I also don’t need friends like this. Who make me feel this way when I’m trying so hard to get to know you and make things work. Relationships are 2 way streets. And I told him this. So, we just colleagues now. Hope he doesn’t make it awkward.

I hope I don’t give any more chances. I say hope cause if he changes somewhere down the road and we still interested in each other…I might…until I go abroad anyway.

But also, I’m not sitting here, waiting to give him any more chances. I cut him off. Blocked him. Told him we bouta just be professional at work and that my previous softness evaporated with his obvious disregard for my emotions.

Sigh…

I hate being so empathetic sometimes. Cause then, I forgive people who don’t deserve second chances.

I did wish him the best tho. Cause I do want him to evolve his EQ (emotional quality). I want everyone to reach contentment and their version of happiness. To level up.

Just not at the expense of…well…

Me.

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